How I wish I could feel normal again

Let's count the signs of Meg's impending doom:

-I have spent the last two days at home, in my pyjamas, trying to work but have only produced 5 pages.
-In the last two weeks I have skipped out on everything that is important to me, from time with my girls, to time with my fiancé, to classes, and my job, and I have nothing to show for it.
-The last two nights I have been up past three in the morning (the night before last it was four am), mostly just surfing the internet. I was too mad at myself to let myself go to bed, so I just sat in my chair and did nothing for about 5 hours. Each night.
-I have now become so desperate for procrastination that I will cycle through my favourite websites for about an hour. Once I have reached the end, instead of stopping, I cycle through again just to see if anything else has been posted.
-Yesterday I woke up at 11am, procrastinated for an hour, and then decided I should try finishing my essay that was due at 2:30. So I work madly until 2pm, get dressed, eat 2 pieces of toast, and rush off to school to hand in my work. I then go to the gym hoping exercise will help me feel better, but I start to black-out because the only thing I had eaten was two pieces of toast. I then go home and fall asleep (yet don't eat anything!) and waste another four hours.

I could fill a room with stories like these. Why do I get like this? And why do I feel like I'm the only one that does? It's not like it's my actual work that's the problem - the end results are usually okay; sometimes borderline mediocre, but I attribute that to my lack of clear thought and time for revision. No, my work isn't the problem, so what is?

I wish that I knew. I wish a great many things. Mostly I wish that I knew how to just start writing, and not care how it sounds or how coherent it is. Sometimes it's the thought of starting that makes me stop myself, and sometimes I'll be working okay and then stop because I think what I have written is really dumb. Other times I'll get so excited about a point that I'll stop and do other things instead of following through with my inspiration. In other words, I get myself coming and going.

I don't really know why I posted all this, I guess I just needed to talk things out.